Bluebird Pages
Information and ideas to help you feel better in your life, in your relationships, and in your own skin
Home Sadness/Depression Relationships Food/Weight/Body Image Stress/Anxiety Work Trauma Self-Care
Self-Esteem

Are you your own worst critic? It’s time to stop beating yourself up ~ read more

Ageing, break-ups ~ adjusting to new situations with your self-esteem intact

Warning: low self-esteem can interfere with good judgment

Basic life lessons to help you see yourself more positively (and more accurately)

The importance of learning what to ignore

Are you your own worst critic?
It’s time to stop beating yourself up ~ read more

N married her high school sweetheart and heard from all her friends and family that she was the luckiest girl in the world. He made a good living, they had two great children together, and life appeared to be a fairytale. Then, she learned about all the prostitutes—many prostitutes for many years. She blames herself for her husband’s transgressions—partly because he tells her that everything is her fault, and partly because she is inclined to assume she isn’t good enough in any way. She finds herself questioning whether it would have happened if she was prettier, skinnier, more fun, etc.

Despite good grades and a well-rounded application, J is convinced that she will not be accepted into any of her top choice colleges. So, she lowers her (already reasonable) expectations and applies to different schools. When five schools accept her, she declares that she got lucky; when one denies her admission, it is because she is “too stupid.” She interprets many events in her life in this skewed way—giving herself no credit for anything positive, and blaming herself for anything negative—constantly reinforcing her low self-esteem.

Nobody likes everything about themself all of the time. But, you should be able to see many good things about yourself most of the time. If your self-esteem is consistently low, you may judge yourself harshly in your appearance, abilities, personality traits, and other qualities. As a result, it may be difficult for you to find happiness and contentment in your life. Low self-esteem may impact your confidence and self-presentation, both socially and professionally, negatively influencing relationships and opportunities.

Here is an idea to start boosting your self-esteem:

The Two-Column Technique

  • Make two columns on a piece of paper, computer, phone … whatever works for you
  • Label the left column “Negative Thoughts” and the right column “Logical Thoughts”
  • Under Negative Thoughts, list some of the critical things you say to yourself that bring down your self-esteem (e.g., I can’t do anything, I’m fat, nobody likes me … .)
  • Under Logical Thoughts, write down a balanced, objective alternative to the thought on the left (e.g., I did a great job on my project at work, I’m a good parent, I have strong legs, I always get compliments on my eyes, I’m a fast runner, my friend just invited me to lunch … .) If you have trouble coming up with these things, think about what you would say to your friend if she/he said the statement on the left side. You would probably be sincere and positive with your friend, and you should do the same with yourself.
  • When you start to think the negative things and feel badly about yourself, read through the list on the right side of the page a few times. You won’t believe all of the statements right away (because you have probably been practicing believing the other thoughts for a long time), but you will break the cycle of negative thinking, and start teaching yourself to think in a more realistic, balanced, and positive way.

  • Are you your own worst critic? It’s time to stop beating yourself up ~ read more

    Ageing, break-ups ~ adjusting to new situations with your self-esteem intact

    Warning: low self-esteem can interfere with good judgment

    Basic life lessons to help you see yourself more positively (and more accurately)

    The importance of learning what to ignore



    BluebirdPages.com was created to provide accurate and useful information about a variety of personal and interpersonal topics. You can also find stories here about people whose life experiences may be similar to yours. BluebirdPages.com is not psychotherapy. Its goal is to provide information and ideas that can help you find your own power over your own life, and move toward greater happiness, comfort and fulfillment.
    Home ęBluebirdPages.com Contact